BIRTH STORY | HOW ON EARTH DID IT ALL GO WELL?

Seriously.. how did it go well this time? So I don't feel like one of those 'it was easy, I don't know what all the fuss it about' mums, I want to preface this post by saying I had an absolutely terrible time when I gave birth to Vivienne. I had strong contractions that I couldn't sleep through for five days before she was born - the joys of a back-to-back baby and all the useless pain it brings - and was completely exhausted, overwhelmed and past myself. It was scary and horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

This time, I became very preoccupied with keeping the baby 'the right way round' and also staying really active, and, although you can never know for sure, I feel like it definitely helped. I walked, swum and did spinning in the days before I went into labour to try and get things going, also to keep busy, and also to keep her in the right position - I'd read that good posture and leaning forward helps this. 

I'd had Braxton Hicks since about 19 weeks, and strong BHs in the week or so leading up to this point. David had pulled out of going on a stag do, and because I was getting contractions here and there that kept stopping he didn't really go out and drink over the days between Christmas and New Year. On the 2nd January he went to the match and I sulkily said "She won't come today. I don't feel anything. Just go and have a drink and see your friends and enjoy yourself. I dropped him off whilst having BHs about 11.30am for the 12 o'clock kick off and went home to sort the house out and have a lazy day.

At about 12pm I text him saying that the pains were the strongest yet, but still didn't think it 'was it', but I told him I'd keep him updated. The picture below was taken at about 1pm. By 2pm I was having to stop and concentrate on contractions, telling poor little Vivienne that I wasn't in pain, not to touch me, and that I just had to concentrate here and there. I slowly packed the last things in my birth bag and somehow got everything downstairs by the door ready to go. I even tidied the house (it was bloody spotless, which it *never* is). Contractions were probably coming every 5/6 minutes or so, but I was struggling to walk through them. I'd forgotten what it was like to have contractions, and had to force myself to breathe through them - it's more difficult than it sounds when your whole body is trying to tense up, my instinct was to hold my breath.

I'd done a few hypnobirthing CDs and a short course at the hospital and it definitely helped. I wasn't scared by labour, and remembering to breathe and some of the visualisations really helped too. I'd definitely recommend it for pregnancy and birth - it was a game changer for me.

At 2.15pm I text David saying 'Don't have any more to drink'. And ten minutes later 'I think this might be it today or tomorrow. It's been relentless and ten times more painful'. I drove the short way to pick him up, still feeling like I could manage. We went to co-op to buy David a pizza to soak up the beer he'd had, I had a contraction in the bread aisle and another in the car park.. I rang the hospital asking when to come in, and they said to hang on until my body couldn't do it any longer at home. I ran a bath, went to sit down in it and felt a pop. My waters had gone, or at least I thought they had... My pains got stronger very quickly after that.

At about this point my Mum sent a casual text saying 'How are you Sally? Still keeping well? Can't believe how imminent this baby is! Xx' and I replied ' So funny you should text - I was going to soon as pretty sure I'm in labour. No need to be alarmed or do anything, going to get assessed in an hour or so xx'

I put some clothes on, we packed up, rang David's Mum to meet us at the hospital doors, and set off. Five minutes down the road we'd forgotten my maternity notes so that was a fun extra 10 minutes, bracing myself in the car to deal with contractions that were now coming thick and fast, maybe every 3-4 minutes. 

I've never been quite so uncomfortable, every little bump seems like rally driving when your whole body is tensing up and you can't bear to be touched.. David dropped me at the entrance at about 6pm armed with a heat pack on my stomach and notes. I had another contraction leaning against the car with my eyes closed, unable to even properly say 'hello' to Mary.

Poor Vivienne was emotional by this point - I kept telling her I was concentrating and between contractions I kept saying 'Look, now! I'm fine. It's not bad pain, it's useful pain. I just need to concentrate.' but it was all getting a bit much for her. David's Mum took her away (she only lives five minutes away from the hospital) for a sleepover at their house.

I also felt so self conscious having contractions. I must have looked an awkward sight rushing through to hide behind a door in the maternity assessment unit as my next one was starting. I went in and just said 'I rang and this is it I'm sure'. They pointed me to go in one of the assessment rooms and when someone came to see me I was 'stuck' to the wall, leaning against it with my forehead against the cold surface whilst having contractions. They confirmed my waters had gone (pretty obvious by now) and that I'd reached 6cm. I was so past it by this point that I didn't even feel that pleased, just glad that they couldn't send me home. With Vivienne it took me four days of contractions to reach 4cm.. my labours were already poles apart..

They took me into the delivery suite and I immediately asked for the gas and air - it's free in hospital after all (joke..) and it took the edge off straight away. I also asked to get straight in the bath, and they brought portable gas and air for me there too. I made sure I was leaning forward the entire time - not easy when you're 5ft 9" in a corner bath, and the warm water really helped soothe my aching bump. 

The pain in my lower back was getting too much by about 7.30pm, and I was worried I was having another 'back' labour. The midwives suggested something called 'Water Blisters', which is sterile water injected into pressure points in your back to help relieve pain in this area. It stung like hell but immediately I felt like my back was no longer breaking. I got back in the bath and started clock watching, feeling completely past myself and saying to David 'No time is passing. They're coming every thirty seconds.' only for us to realise that the clock had stopped (!)

After an hour or so I started saying 'I can't do this any more, I need more pain relief. Is it too late for an epidural?', and the midwives would ask 'Do you want one?' and then I'd decline. Afterwards I realised that this was probably the transitioning moment. My contractions went from virtually no breaks between them to getting a little rest between. The difference was that my whole body started seizing up and pushing without me trying - it was the strangest thing. I told them I could push more and they said 'Let's try that then', and a few contractions later I was getting somewhere.

I was on my back in the bath at this point, her head had been born and I worried, in my state, that she didn't have a face because all I could see was the back of her head. A push later she was out and I had the 'OHMYGOD' moment you can see below..

I asked for delayed cord clamping, and wanted to feel the cord for myself this time too - such a funny, thick, rubbery thing. The cord was then clamped and they moved me out of the bath to deliver the placenta on the bed, with the baby in my arms. I also asked to see the placenta as I thought it would be fascinating, and it really was. If you can stomach it it's 100% worth asking the midwife to show you - it comes attached to the sack and obviously the other end of the cord, which she held up and showed me where the baby had lived. Its miraculous, really. David rang his Mum, I rang my Mum, text siblings, close friends.. for everyone other than our Mums it was a 'Look who's here!' text and I think people were surprised it had all happened so fast - my labour technically lasted about 6 hours, she was born at 8.50pm so I'd been in hospital 2.5 hours.

Baby No Name was cleaned up and Vivienne arrived - slightly shy and overwhelmed but so happy.  She had her first cuddle and kept staring at her. We waited for the room to be sorted out a bit and I put some clean clothes on so she wasn't too alarmed by the situation. Mary was obviously there too, and my Mum and Dad arrived as she and Vivienne left. I felt absolutely fine, slightly high, I couldn't obviously be up on my feet too long and was sore, but I was fine. I couldn't believe it.

I don't know how we managed it but we were given a low dependency suite for the night, which meant David could stay and we had our own bathroom - it felt like a hotel. We were up twice with her, feeding her the Aptamil sterilised bottles, and it was honestly lovely. I've pined to do that night in hospital again together, I'd had a good time in labour and it even felt quite special. They checked me over a little more and we were left to sleep. In the morning I had a lovely Badedas bath and got sorted before a few more visitors arrived and Vivienne was left with us so we could go home as a family. Which, I think, is where the real story begins..

I still feel grateful and can't quite believe that I have a positive birth experience under my belt but it does feel empowering. I know I was lucky this time, but I do feel that reading up on active labour, water birthing, having an active pregnancy and hypnobirthing definitely helped.. and gas and air took the edge off the rest of it. I'd never have believed it after my first birth but it seems that good labours DO exist. Maybe I should stop now while I'm ahead..

THE ROUTINE

Since day one, we've had Sylvie in a routine. Not a strict routine, or one where we've ever left her to 'cry it out', but she's been in a planned feeding routine since the beginning. We did the same thing when we had Vivienne but didn't start immediately, when we got her into feeding at set times she started sleeping through quite soon after, so we thought we'd give the same routine a go with Sylvie in hope that it helped her too.

Sylvie was born just before 9pm, came out screaming hungry, had a big feed and then slept until about 1am, she was up again about 3.30am, then slept until 7-8am. Great, we thought. It won't last, but at least we've both had some sleep to keep us going for now. The next night she was up at 3.30am for a feed, then straight back down. The next night she was up once for a feed then back down.. we didn't dare believe this was 'it' and she was a real decent sleeper - it was too early to tell. She slept through for the first time at two and a half weeks and now she's sleeping until 5-6am wanting a dummy to tide her over until 7am when she has her first feed.

I do really think that we just got lucky, and also that, strangely, she didn't seem to be born nocturnal like most babies seem to be. But I also do think that the routine has helped too. When she was first born we fed her every three hours, so 7am, 11am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm and 10pm. She'd take varying amounts initially but generally about 100ml or so each time in the first few weeks. We offer her a feed, she's never declined, and give her the next hour to have it before taking it away. Luckily she's never had to cry it out or get to a point where she's anywhere close to being distressed - the closest we've got is picking her up and cuddling her to tide her over until her next feed time. Once or twice we've had to feed her a bit early.

A few weeks ago, with her getting older and taking more milk each time, we've cut a feed out and now do 7am, 10.30am, 2pm, 5.30pm and 10pm. She usually sleeps between the two evening feeds.

I didn't realise that this was any sort of controversial until I mentioned to be health visitor something about her feeding times and she looked at me in horror saying 'You're not feeding her in a routine are you?' and for some reason I backtracked and said 'Oh not really, we feed her when she's ready..' which is a white lie. Her routine coincides with when she expects to feed now 99% of the time. I think routine feeding can be lumped together with controlled crying by some, and at no point have I let her become distressed.

Anyway, on my app The Wonder Weeks it says we're in for a four-month developmental leap soon, AKA the Four Month Sleep Regression, so this routine malarky that we're so convinced by may well be tested a little more. This leap also coincides with our first family holiday, so with all this going on it may well get a bit chaotic and less regulated! For now, though, we have our fingers crossed and will carry on feeling optimistic about our sleepy Sylvie..

PATERNITY LEAVE

We felt so lucky with how David's paternity leave fell.. As Sylvie was born on the 2nd January, David's leave started on the 3rd and went on (with him working here and there at home) for the next three weeks.. meaning he actually got a solid five weeks off including Christmas. We spent his leave getting settled as a family of four. 

I napped here and there, I tried to get David to do the same in the first few days, we tried to get into a rough bottle feeding routine (every three hours), we were up alternate nights with the baby, we walked as much as I could in those first few days, but also took it easy, we practised getting out with the pram and baby bag together, (remembering everything we need and more!) and even ended up in the pub one or two days for a bite to eat and a sneaky gin and tonic.

It's worth acknowledging that we are incredibly lucky in that Sylvie has been a good sleeper from day one. Vivienne was too, and I don't believe it's anything necessarily that we've done, and it's just happened to be that way. Sylvie was born at 8.50pm, and was up twice the following night, and has only been up once each night for a small feed since. I'm fully aware this may not last but so far we are taking it as it comes and appreciating the situation for what it is. I love this shot of her below, snoozing away, while we popped out for a bite just after registering her. 

One of the less-than-pleasant moments during David's paternity leave was five days after she was born. We'd been out with the pram and baby bag, and fed her 'out' while at the shops, we came home and brought the shopping and the girls in and settled in for the night. The car had only just been emptied of all the hospital bags, it was early days with the little one. The next morning David discovered that his car had been broken into, glass smashed all over the drive, and someone had stolen our changing bag (of all things..). It was the first thing that knocked me out of the honeymoon period and I ended up crying a fair bit about 'it all going wrong'. In the grand scheme of things we got off lightly, but it was a shitty thing for someone to do nonetheless. The next day I sulkily paid out for another identical bag so we could pretend that it had never happened.

During this period it also hit home about what it means to juggle two kids.. when feeding times clash with picking up time, when the baby need changing just as you need to be at tennis, when it takes 25 minutes to leave the house (seriously? how?! it just does..) and then you remember about the project work due in and the money needed for this trip and to put a wash on so there's clean uniform... it's all fun and games. 

Anyway. I'd love to do the paternity leave period all over again.. it was lovely to have company during the day, for it all to be new and fresh and exciting, to relive the moments of looking at each other saying 'she's here!' over and over again.. Such busy and chaotic bliss. I guess that's family life.

1 WEEK OLD | PHOTO DUMP

I have to say.. I haven't had my 'big camera' out anywhere near as often as I'd have liked.. but hey! Photos are photos. The best camera is the one you have on you, and all that.

These are a little selection of pictures from the first few weeks. In the purple sleep suit she's a day and a half old, in the second she's still jaundiced (bless her..), the one with me at the bottom is the day we brought her home from hospital, the bottom one is *in* the hospital wearing real clothes for the first time.. she's such a dot. As I write this she's already changed so much.. <3

POST-BIRTH THOUGHTS

- Oh my god, she's here.

- It really does all come back to you.. I feel I actually know what to do.

- In my notes they said David and I were 'confident', which made me feel incredibly proud considering how we felt when Vivienne was born

- It was also amazing seeing how unremarkable my birth was this time. After intervention and mess and a long, long labour last time it felt little bit ridiculous to read that there was so little to report this time. I feel very lucky.

- I got the water-birth that I wanted. It was bloody difficult but wonderful. 

- I can't believe I have a positive birth experience under my belt. *This* is what that feels like.

- That hypno-birthing stuff really does seem to work.

- Sylvie is so tiny, and so big all at once.

- I can't believe she's here.

- She looks like Vivienne, but not exactly. They look like sisters, not twins. It all feels perfect.

- I feel OK. It was so much less traumatic this time. Mentally, too, I feel so much better this time.

- It's possible to hate being pregnant and then miss it too. Every so often I feel like I want to give birth again.. which is crazy I know.

- Did we call her the right name? I loved all our baby name ideas.. Did we pick the right one?

- We did. She looks like a Sylvie. Sylvie seems right for her.

- Will I be able to spend enough time with Vivienne? We need to make sure we give Vivienne enough attention and individual time to make sure she finds all the change as easy as possible.

- I can't believe she's *here*. She could potentially have been born 25 days later..

- Vivienne is already a wonderful big sister. I'm so proud of her.

- You really don't mind the nappies. And the million loads of washing. And being up in the night (for now..) And being so physically tired. It's worth it.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S HERE.