BLOWING KISSES AND HITTING HER SISTER | THE BEGINNING OF THE TODDLER YEARS

Well, Sylvie is definitely not a baby any more. 'Spirited' would be one way of putting it.. 'a loveable little terror' would be another. She refuses to walk, but I'm declaring her a 'toddler'. The baby stage is well and truly over.

She seems to be learning so much so quickly at the moment; everything from trying to copy words that we say, to make-believe playing, to really understanding a few commands, like 'pass me that' or 'take your dummy out'. She has a baby doll which was once Vivienne's which she's taken a particular shining to, trying to feed it and put a nappy on it.. and watching her 'role-playing' is so wonderful. She's gentle with it and cuddles it.. In these moments you'd think she was a considered and kind little thing through and through..

Obviously the toddler years bring frustration and fury for them too as they try to make sense of the world.. she is head-strong, loud.. (I was going to type 'unreasonable' but *obviously*.. she's only 16 months old) Vivienne, hand on heart, was so placid in comparison, whereas Sylvie is not afraid to really make her voice heard. 

We are so lucky that Vivienne is so patient as we make our way through this stage of giving kisses, cuddling, then hair pulling, hitting and pinching (those baby pinches really bloody hurt..). It's hard to start introducing discipline when I know she doesn't mean to hurt, or even really know what she's doing. Anyway, we're muddling through this ever-changing day-to-day life with our headstrong little girl.

The blog, recently, has been very heavy with things from mine and Vivienne's Interrail trip, so I thought I would also include a little Sylvie update, for this wonderful but often tiring stage we're currently at. All the little things she does and watching her learn honestly makes up for when she's screaming and attracting attention during 'the big shop'. Sylvie saying 'Mama' and putting her hands up for a cuddle makes all the difficult little moments melt away...

---

Sylvie at 16 months

Says the words 'Dad', 'Daddy', 'Mum', 'Wav' (for Viv!), "Yessss", "Cock" (for 'look', we hope..) and also, due to her Dad being a huge Boro fan ' Up Bo-o' for 'Up The Boro'.

Eats well on her own; she loves omelettes, lasagne, pasta, cottage pie, fish, vegetables, yoghurt, fruit pouches and chocolate (we're still working on the Easter chocolate!)

Role-plays with her baby doll, giving it her dummy, putting it down to sleep, trying to dress it and change it's nappy.. She tries to draw with a pen (yesterday it was all over the couch), and loves her wooden garage and cars that she got for her birthday.

Has walked four/five steps max, has taken plenty of one/two steps but 99% of the time powers around the house by crawling. She can scale a flight of stairs so quickly.. but no rush to get up on two feet.

Loves playing peek-a-boo behind clothing/sheets, and will hide then surprise you. She loves the swings and the slide, and when you pretend to chase her from room to room.

She's still constantly looking for Vivienne - she follows her around the house and will ask "Wav?" when she's at school. 

Dances and shakes her head to music, and loves when we join in. 

Also, I can't not mention her hair. Vivienne had hardly any hair until she was two and a half, and it was so curly. Sylvie has a mop of hair that means that she looks like a mix of Ed Sheeran and Boris Johnson if we don't tie it up.. So funny, but we still don't know what to do about it apart from making her look like Pebbles from The Flintstones!

Sleeps well most of the time, she's currently getting back molars in which is loads of fun - full screaming in the middle of the night, but hopefully we'll be out the other side soon.

Loves the bath and loves swimming. Water baby.

BOHO WOLF, MIDDLESBROUGH | LUNCH AT BOHO ONE

I was invited recently to try some new dishes at Boho Wolf, in the Boho One building in Middlesbrough by Julie, who owns it as well as Chilli Cake in Hartlepool. I'd worked with Chilli Cake a few years ago and the food was amazing, and I was so, SO excited to go back and see what Boho Wolf had to offer.

I met up with Carli from The Teahouse in Middlesbrough for brunch and to chat about work, blogging (you can see hers here) , her house move and various other exciting projects and ideas in pipelines.. It was so good to remove myself from the confines of my office and have a real-life chat about our various work and life updates.. And any meet up which also includes food and photography is absolutely fine by me.

I've really enjoyed getting ideas and memories down here but I don't want it to just be another 'Mum Blog', and I would like it to cover much wider topics; it just so happens that my head is pretty full of routines, shopping lists and family admin these days.. Carli is so inspiring to talk to and always has a million ideas. I came away feeling like this is something I'd like to really pursue and do more of, so fingers crossed this blog carries on fitting in and I can find the time to properly keep it up.

I've also wanted to do more small business photography and I have, what I hope will be, quite an exciting idea brewing behind the scenes (watch this space.. a few of you may already know what's going on...); so visiting Boho Wolf came at exactly the right time to get my out of heavy-wedding-editing and back out into the real world and find some space for a few hours. And it was so, so worth it..

The highlights for me were the Teesside Fries, made with cheddar and béchamel (see what they did there? If you're not a Teessider, maybe not.. you either know or you don't!) and The Korean baguette, which had buttermilk fried chicken, kimchi, sriracha mayo and friend noodles. Honestly, to die for. The Hangry cheese toastie was very, very close behind.. Also anywhere that takes their coffee seriously and does a mean flat white is two-thumbs-up in my books.

It was starting to get busy as we left for Carli to show me around her new digs - it was the perfect spot for lunch and a catch up. If you're around in Middlesbrough it's well worth a visit.. I'm not ruling out heading back just for the halloumi fries I saw on the specials board..

FESTIVAL OF THRIFT, KIRKLEATHAM | DAY TRIPPER

I first came across the Festival of Thrift last year when I thought I'd give it a go one September Saturday after seeing flyers in the Post Office, and ended up visiting *both* days of the weekend that it was on. It's *amazing*. It's a family and earth-friendly local festival held in Kirkleatham near Redcar, promoting sustainability and full of fab things to do for all ages. There are bric-a-brac and handmade produce stalls, bars in double decker buses, farmers market stalls, live performances, craft activites, amazing street food.. the weather for both visits over the two years has been that perfect early-Autumn September sun.

Vivienne packed a fair bit in during the day we visited; she did chocolate decorating, made a purse out of a recycled tetrapack with Friends of the Earth, a seedbomb with Manor Garden Flowers; and we all sat and watched the dancing and performances that were on throughout the day with food and drinks too. The weekend has such a lovely and relaxed atmosphere, it's almost like a small and relaxed Glastonbury, like you're casually wandering through the Craft Field or Green Futures.

Obviously Sylvie didn't get up to that much but enjoyed the busy-ness and music that was going on. It was a very accessible festival for us with the buggy so it was a relaxing way to spend the day with a baby in tow. You could spend anything from a few hours there or could make a full day of exploring everything on offer there.

All in all it was £5 for a car parking voucher, so it costs nothing if you make your own way there without driving. A lot of the activities are free, including things like den-building where tools and materials are left out for you to use as you wish. We actually decided against den-building this year after a bit of a family fall out last year.. zero teamwork or planning ended up with a few strops along the way about committee decisions..

Anyway, if you're local-ish to Teesside (or not?) it's so worth visiting and having a colourful, crafty and chilled out weekend. It's cheap as chips, accessible, and if you're a fan of festivals, farmers markets, arts, crafts, vintage shopping, thrifting, and shopping independent/local then this is the weekend to look out for next year and scribble it in the calendar. It seemed bigger this year than last year which only bodes well for next year. We bloody love it.

'MUM GUILT' CAN GET IN THE BIN

I was going to write a post about 'Mum Guilt' and how everything's felt better the second time round until I had a dream a few nights ago that made me have a little cry the following morning. In it, I found a guest at a wedding telling Vivienne that I was a terrible mother and didn't devote enough time to her and Sylvie, and when Vivienne came over to me afterwards she didn't reply when I said 'I love you'. So yeah, it appears there's still subconscious guilt going on no matter how rational I try to be.

Isn't everything just *enough* without guilt creeping into parenting? Isn't the mess and busy-ness and juggling routines and homework and general chaos just *enough*? It starts when they're born and you find yourself second guessing some answers you give to the common (and sometimes loaded) questions ("Are you breast or bottle feeding? But they're not meant to have solids until six months, are they? How long are you taking off work? Who are you going to leave them with when you go to work? Are you worried she'll have separation anxiety at that age? Wouldn't you rather a family member than a childminder?") and never. bloody. stops. It's pretty exhausting trying to be the best version of yourself in all areas when sometimes you just want to curl up and lounge about for a day reading all those books you haven't started yet and watching that film you've been meaning to for months.. 

Before the Summer holidays hit we've been to see a childminder who will start minding Sylvie two days a week from September and my impulse is still to question myself and wonder if I *really* need a childminder or whether I can manage on my own working and juggling her daily wants and needs. I've never been one to feel anxious about leaving the girls with people to mind them while I work, and my husband and I have been away numerous times without them (cueing some lovely loaded questions and comments such as, "Aren't you worried something will happen while you're away? Good for you, though.. *I* couldn't do it, myself.") but when I'm feeling a little delicate those guilty thoughts creep in like little voices trying to persuade you that you're not doing as well as you could be.

On top of that in our house there's me being self employed and working some silly hours, a partner who is pretty much self employed and the Summer holidays to 'make the most of'.. it's pretty exhausting. Being self employed in the Summer holidays means knowing you *could* spend this day with your kids but shipping them off to someone else because you need to work, it's being technically able to work flexibly but still needing to get a full day's work done in not-enough-time, it's emails while they're on the swings at the park, admin while they eat dinner and starting the bulk of your working day the second they're asleep. 

I do try not to beat myself up about the little things, and most of the time I do pretty well at shrugging that feeling off but here is a little list of things I've felt guilty about over the past few weeks (and subsequently tried to tell myself to pack it in..)

- spending too much time working and not seeing the girls
- spending consecutive days away and having to tell a crying Vivienne over the phone it'll be another two days until I see them
- not doing enough with the girls when I do have days with them
- not 'making the most' of the Summer holidays in general
- saying 'one minute, I just need to send this message/email' too many times
- not being able to go away in the Summer holidays like a lot of other families we know
- asking a lot of my mother-in-law and mum for childcare (forever grateful)
- feeding Viv lazy lunches and teas of sandwiches, omelettes and old school kids' dinners like *something*, chips and beans
- feeding Sylvie shop-bought purees instead of making up baby-led weaning recipes
- asking Viv to feed Sylvie while I sort something out
- not cooking enough in general
- not doing enough stimulating stuff with Sylvie
- asking Viv to 'keep an eye' on Sylvie too often while I sort something out
- letting Viv watch a fair bit of TV and films instead of encouraging her to finish her library  'reading challenge'
- worrying that people will ask Viv what she's done in the holidays and she won't be able to tell them much
- being generally flustered and busy instead of appreciating the holidays
- being absolutely terrible at replying to messages and keeping on top of group messages (being a bit of a rubbish friend in general)

BUT, on a good day I will look at this array of little guilts and think, "This guilt is such shit. I do try my best. My kids may not have been further than an hour away from home these holidays but we've been to parks, we've been cycling, we've been swimming countless times.. Vivienne loves a living room floor picnic in front of a film, and she adores her little sister and feels grown up minding her for me and genuinely doesn't mind it. I have to work, and I enjoy work. It's good for my daughters to see both parents going out to work and it's good for them to spend time with their grandparents and cousins. Furthermore, their grandparents have the energy and the time to do some wonderful things with them and I can get work done - it's win-win.  Life is inherently magical and exciting for children and they won't see a day in the holidays as a wasted day; they'll see it as the day they climbed to the top of the treehouse at the park, or the day I let them have ice cream before lunch, or the day they finished a crafty something-or-other on the dining room table."

So yeah, in summary, my kids are OK, they are fed, usually clean enough, they get fresh air, the house usually has at least one tidy room (sometimes even 3-4.. but not for long), the clean clothes dumped upstairs may never get put away before they goes back in the washing machine, I may send too many emails that start with 'sorry for my late reply..', coffee may run too strongly in my veins, but *IT'S OK*. Trying your best is enough. And 'Mum guilt' can get in the bin.

THE SIX WEEKS SO FAR | THINGS TO DO WITH KIDS IN TEESSIDE

It feels like I've blinked and the holidays have nearly finished.. I actually changed my mind about a day's childcare later in the week this week so that I could see the girls and do some special things before school and routine starts off all over again. Because of work commitments and general busy-ness this year we haven't ventured very far over the past few weeks, really. Just a few day trips here and there and pottering about in our local area. I've also not let myself feel guilty for some lazy days hanging out at home either, and letting Vivienne read, do something crafty or just watch a film (or three.. as it turned out one day last week..)

Vivienne loves to get out and about on her bike or scooter, and we often walk down into Yarm for ice cream, lunch, or to visit the library. We're also lucky enough to have Preston Park about 5 minutes drive away which we love - the play area is huge, there's a Victorian street musem, a walled vegetable and flower garden, mini golf, a skate park type thing and Butterfly World.. and it's cheap as chips too. This year they've installed a beach at one end of the Victorian Street which Viv and Sylvie loved (until Sylvie started eating fistfuls of sand).

My Dad has lent us the family tandem bike (my side are pretty enthusiastic about cycling and there were always a few bikes to pick from lying around in the garage) and has adjusted it for me and Vivienne. She absolutely loves it and when we go out on it often says 'this is the best day of my life' - she's pretty strong on it and we did about 43km in total in different outings last week. It's lovely to have something to do which is just me and her, so we can chat and spend some time without Sylvie interrupting or needing attention - it's nice to be able to give Viv some one-on-one too. Saying that, I'd *love* to get a baby seat for Sylvie on it too - thought I don't know whether my legs are strong enough to cycle both kids around.. Our gym has started doing some parent and kids classes too - like HIIT but not as intense, and we often go swimming at the gym and occasionally book a court for Viv to practise her tennis.

With a week or so left, Vivienne wants to invite a friend or cousin round and camp in the back garden in the next few weeks. We're also hoping to get to York and Whitby just us three girls, and Vivienne has asked to go kayaking at Tees Barrage after we sat on the bank and watching a class. Tomorrow is a rainy day so I think we're going swimming (always the easiest option when the weather is crappy..), pottery painting and to MIMA art gallery to see what's on. Below is a little list of things we do when I have a day with the girls or as a family.

OUR FAVOURITE THINGS TO DO IN TEESSIDE WITH THE KIDS

- Preston Park - the museum, the grounds, the park and Butterfly World.
- Stewart Park - huge and once a month there is a pretty big farmer's market.
- Tees Barrage. Doesn't seem like the most exciting place in the world but Viv loves watching the various water sports and seal spotting there.
- Saltburn. Always one of our favourite places. They also do a fab farmers' market and once a year they do a huge food festival which we *love*.
- A day trip to York, Tynemouth or Whitby - anywhere it's possible to get the train is a bonus too.
- Cycling from our home. We are lucky to live a few miles from a few different quiet villages and we've loved cycling between them all. I'm hoping to take Vivienne a little further each time and maybe visit parents and grandparents on the tandem.
- Getting out walking up in the hills. We love Carlton Bank, Roseberry Topping, Captain Cook's monument and near Sheeps Wash.
- Jump 360, Clip'n'Climb and AirTrail.
- Prissick Base Cycle Track
- MIMA art gallery - often has activities and open days for kids in the holidays
- Guisborough Wood Walk
- Sundaes Ice Cream Shop in Yarm. Not strictly an activity but *so good*.
- The libraries offer so many activities in the holidays for kids, Viv is in the middle of a reading challenge and there are different themed days during the week.
- Hardwick Park - also have themed days for little ones.

And obviously sometimes *nothing* is the best thing to do. I'm definitely declaring one day a duvet day before the holidays are out so we can watch back-to-back films and eat junk food.. if you can't do it in the holidays when can you?!

Where are your favourite places around here? I still have a week or so to fill before the dreaded school routine starts all over again and I'd love some new haunts to add to the list :)