10 WEEKS | HEADACHES AND COMFORT FOOD

Oh migraines, I'd forgotten about you. I've never been one to suffer from headaches or migraines (aside from the odd 'adult headache' which was almost certainly caused by the night before), and I'd forgotten just what this felt like. I have no time scale to go by but I do remembering suffering with these whilst pregnant with Vivienne for a few weeks and lying in bed, sleeping, with the curtains drawn and the covers over my head.

Today I woke up with a sore head, did the school run, then it escalated into a complete monster of a migraine where sound and light made me feel like I was being beaten around the head, much like the final round of Gladiators. I tried to power through on my laptop before giving up and pulling the blinds down, taking paracetamol (which did zero good) and setting my alarm for a quick half hour nap.. I woke up 2.5 hours later feeling hot, sweaty and not much better. I tried to eat then had to run to throw up 2 minutes later.

After a quick google I saw a suggestion of coffee helping some people and making it worse for others, I figured it was worth a go (I've been cutting back over the past few weeks) and like a miracle it worked. The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup I dipped in it also helped in it's own way too.

In other news, I've been reading anything I can find on pregnancy and birth like the obsessive person I can be (mainly What To Expect When You're Expecting, The Rough Guide To Pregnancy and Birth (Kaz Cook), Gas and Air Blog and Rock My Family.

I keep mentally going through the same thought processes.. Mainly lots of excitement mixed with 'oh fuck what have we done'/'I'd forgotten about all the stuff that comes with this'/'I don't want to have to go through birth again'/'maybe I'll be better at it this time'/'I don't know whether I have the mental energy to do all this'/'I quite like Farrow & Ball's Pavillion Grey for the baby's room.. and I like this cot/rug/play gym.. is a bit of style over substance OK?'/'Shit, all the stuff we need is going to be so bloody expensive'/'I can't wait to tell Vivienne'/'is it crackers to get Glastonbury tickets for us all next year?' etc etc etc..

We still have 2+ weeks before we plan on telling anyone and I'm feeling mildly terrified by the whole thing. We have invited everyone in our immediate family round for a BBQ the Sunday after the scan so we can tell as many of 'the important people' in one go and everyone finds out together. We both think Vivienne would love telling everyone herself, but I feel a bit like hiding when that time comes.. I feel slightly embarrassed to be the centre of any attention or fuss. I'm also still weighing up what to say when I see Katie and Lou (besties) next week to go to Beyonce - all of us are a fan of fizz and cocktails and I won't be able to hide my not-drinking status. I hate lying to them but I really don't want anything getting out before we're ready and still feel that Vivienne should be the first to know. It feels a little like it's all not real yet, but it will be and it'll feel 'official' when the cat's out of the bag.

In other news I shot two wedding this week, first in Liverpool on a Friday and the next more locally on the Sunday. David suggested we go for brunch on the Saturday and I could have cried with happiness. I've actually lost a few pounds despite feeling like I'm eating a lot, but I'm sure more baking (see above) will soon even things out. I wonder if it's muscle mass as I've either felt shit and skipped some gym classes or genuinely not had the time. Really should get back into the swing of things.